Buy my books because you still need one more item to qualify
for free shipping.
Buy my books to sing like Prince or Whitney
Houston...with laryngitis & their vocal cords partially removed.
Buy my books because nothing that truly tastes great is really
less filling.
Buy my books to support a local author. (I'm more
local to some than others)
Buy my books to see me do a little
happy dance….with your eyes closed in your imagination.
Buy my
books and two black spots will disappear from your soul…only to be
replaced by five new ones.
Buy my books to spit in the eye of
everyone who said Trix are just for kids.
Buy my books because
one size fits all is total bull...shirt.
Buy my books so that
nasty looking rash will go away!
Buy my books to see the future…by
skipping to the last page.
Buy my books because side effects
should never apply to you!
Buy my books because the only demons
in your head should be mine.
Buy my books to support a great
cause...me!
Buy my books because being 1st is always better
than being last!
Ok, not always but mostly.
Buy my books because
they all come with a prize inside: words.
Buy my books because
books make you look smart. (Notice I said LOOK.)
Buy my books
because it keeps me from hiding in your bushes with binoculars.
Buy
my books so all your current legal troubles will end... only to be
replaced by new ones!
Buy my books so the demons in your house
will disappear...inside of you.
Buy my books because even *I*
don’t look good in a cardboard box.
Buy my books to prove you've
amounted to something….about $3-$5.
Buy my books to attract
the love you’ve been missing into your life (from me & my accountant).
Buy my books online because having your card declined in public
is just plain embarrassing.
Buy my books because hoarding is
underrated.
Buy my books to become immortal. (What you do on
the internet NEVER goes away.)
Buy my books because when I’m
out on the streets bad things happen.
Buy my books so you too
will be able to call in the Hydra!
Buy my books because you
don’t have to add milk you don't have.
Buy my books so your
wife/girlfriend/boyfriend/husband never has to know.
Buy my
books because they make the voices go away.
Buy my books to
prove Mensa doesn’t have ALL the smart people.
Buy my books
so I won’t testify against you in court.
Buy my books to lose
weight! (Full brain cells are smaller & weigh less than empty
ones).
Buy my books to give your lactose intolerance the finger...then
promptly hurl.
Buy my books, make 10 more people buy them….and
absolutely nothing will happen!
Buy my books to look great naked…because
you’ll be reading instead of looking in a mirror.
Buy my books
to make your ereader/computer grow 3 inches in just 2 weeks.
Buy
my books because I'm one of you... only better.
Buy my
books to make los cucarachas salir!
Buy my books to increase
your brain size….or cause an aneurysm. (I always mix up the 2).
Buy my books because laughter is not priceless. I think I’ve
at least earned $2.99 here.
Buy my books because they taste
like chicken (& they’re cheep).
Buy my books to save money
on car insurance…by not paying for it in the 1st place.
Buy
my books to win a trip to anywhere in the world...eventually… from
somewhere else… maybe.
Buy my books to appear on TV...in the
reflection when it’s off.
Buy my books to prove you have taste
(questionable taste, but taste).
Buy my books because joy is
a gift. Surely, I deserve something in return.